literature

Gatsby meets Higgins

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Literature Text

Part One

London at 15.25 p.m. The sky filled with clouds. Spring, but not yet warm enough to not wear a coat. People dragging bags in both hands are shopping excitingly. A man hastily joins another at a bus stand. The second man is sitting on a dark green bench. Other than these two men, there is no one waiting for the next couch. The first man is a man is his mid thirties, while the other is in his forties or fifties. The second man is reading a thick black book.

THE YOUNGER MAN. Oh, sir, the number 23 couch has yet to arrive I hope.
THE OLDER MAN. You are in luck, dear sir. It is late.
THE YOUNGER MAN. Very well. Do you mind if I take a seat next to you?
THE OLDER MAN. Not at all.
THE YOUNGER MAN. [ sits down ] Thank you very much.
[ Both men are silent for a while. The older man continues to leaf through his book. The younger man seems uncomfortable ]
THE YOUNGER MAN. [ curious and looking for conversation ] What, might I ask, are you reading?
THE OLDER MAN. Oh, Spoken Sanscrit. It’s about the Indo-European classical language, Sancrit.
THE YOUNGER MAN. Yes, by Colonel Pickering I believe. I overheard two Oxford college students talking about it.
THE OLDER MAN. Oxford college? Now that’s a fine education to say the least.
THE YOUNGER MAN. Why thank you, it happens to be my education at present.
THE OLDER MAN. Really? You are not a tourist?
THE YOUNGER MAN. [ confused ] A tourist? Why do you assume that?
THE OLDER MAN. Well, your accent is clearly that of an American. North Dakota, I believe, though my analysis of American English is a little rusty.
THE YOUNGER MAN. [ amazed ] Well, I’ll be.
THE OLDER MAN. So it was North Dakota.
THE YOUNGER MAN. Indeed it is. But you gathered that just by my accent? That is amazing.
THE OLDER MAN. [ puts down his book, but leaves a finger between the pages ] I am professor of phonetics and thereby it should be an essential ability for me to be able to ascertain a person’s origins just by their accent.
THE YOUNGER MAN. It is definitely amazing by my standards. However I am not a tourist. I’ve been studying at the Oxford University for the last couple of months, but indeed as you have ascertained I am from North Dakota. I shall have to do something about my accent.
THE OLDER MAN. It seems that my American English isn’t as rusty as I thought.
THE YOUNGER MAN. It would seem so.
[ Another moment of silence ensues. The older man continues to read in his book while the other sits and looks at the people going in and out of the shops. ]
THE YOUNGER MAN. [ trying to stir up conversation ] A nice place, London. Very nice place.
THE OLDER MAN. [ without looking up from his book ] Yes, it is, isn’t it? Very nice.
THE YOUNGER MAN. Indeed.
THE OLDER MAN. So, you haven’t told me why you are here, mister… mister…
THE YOUNGER MAN. Gatsby. Jay Gatsby. I was just making a visit to London. A friend at the university recommended it.
THE OLDER MAN. Ah, your friend was quite right. I’m Henry Higgins.
GATSBY. Well, London doesn’t quite compare to the likes of New York, in my opinion.
HIGGINS. I’m afraid I really wouldn’t know. I’ve never left Europe you see. I did however once have plans to go to India.
GATSBY. India?
HIGGINS. It is where Colonel Pickering resides.
GATSBY. The author of the book [ points at the book in Higgins’ hand ].
HIGGINS. Exactly. I knew him for quite some time, however we haven’t spoken in some time.
GATSBY. I see.
HIGGINS. Well, he did teach me some fascinating lessons about life. You see, he was a true gentleman and after spending so much time with him I have begun to pick up on his politeness.
GATSBY. You’ve certainly been very polite to me.
HIGGINS. That is a relief. He was the only person I’ve ever known to share my passion for phonetics.
GATSBY. [ understanding ] Ah. Well to me it sounds like a man you should look up.
HIGGINS. You’re right. Maybe I should.
GATSBY. Sounds like a plan. [ coach arrives in the distance ] Ah. Our bus is here.
HIGGINS. Oh not my bus. I’m just sitting here, writing down people’s accent and practicing. [ reveals the note book in his book and his pen ]
GATSBY. [ startled ] I see…
HIGGINS. I’ve been practicing to stay unnoticed as it got me in some problems some time ago.
GATSBY. Well, it’s been nice meeting you, sir.
HIGGINS. Have a nice day, old sport.
GATSBY. Old sport?
HIGGINS. Oh just something I picked up whilst doing these accent analyses.
GATSBY. Okay, thank you very much. [ coach doors open and Gatsby enters ] Old sport… has a nice ring to it…


Part Two

I once asked Gatsby why he called everyone “old sport”. At first he seemed to have forgotten the origins of the nickname he so fondly calls most people, however the memory resurfaced after only a moment.
“Mister Higgins,” said Gatsby.
“Mister Higgins?” I inquired.  
“It was during my time in England, in London,” started Gatsby, “I was waiting for the bus after a tiresome day walking through the city centre I yearned for my bed and tried to take a bus.”
During his conversation I was meaning to ask him whether this was during his time studying at Oxford University and therefore finally finding out if he actually did attend. Unfortunately the right time for my inquiry never came and afterwards I had forgotten about the whole question. Therefore I shall probably never know for certain.
He continued talking and spoke of a man sitting on a bench seemingly waiting for the bus. He was reading a book, Spoken Sanscrit, a book about the Indo-European classical language, Sancrit. The man was obviously deeply entangled with his book when Gatsby came.
“Oh, sir, the number 23 couch has yet to arrive I hope,” asked Gatsby, approaching the bench.
“You’re in luck sir. It’s late,” answered the man with the book.  
After asking for permission to sit down next to him the two men felt silent. A few minutes passed until Gatsby decided to break the silence and ask about the book. He already knew about the book, but waiting for a bus without conversation is quite uneventful.
The man was excited to hear someone being interested in the book. However his enthusiasm was misguided, as Gatsby wasn’t as remotely interested in the book as he was in conversation. It seemed that the man was an expert on phonetics as he could verify exactly where Gatsby was born by his accent. To Gatsby’s dismay his praise of the man’s abilities only led to another awkward minute of silence.
“A nice place, London. Very nice place,” said Gatsby to stir up conversation.
The man was obviously absorbed in his book, because he didn’t even tear his eyes of the pages when he answered. “Yes, it is, isn’t it? Very nice.”
A moment later however the man showed interest when he asked Gatsby for his name. After Gatsby introduced himself he learned that the man’s name was Henry Higgins. He told him of his desires to travel to India to meet up with Colonel Pickering, the man who wrote Spoken Sanscrit, whom he said he knew personally.
“Well, he did teach me some fascinating lessons about life,” explained Mr Higgins, “You see, he was a true gentleman and after spending so much time with him I have begun to pick up on his politeness.”
“You’ve certainly been very polite to me,” said Gatsby although he was still aggravated about the disrespect Mr Higgins had shown by constantly looking at his book and not the man whom he was talking to.
Gatsby was absolutely not interested in any of Mr Higgins’ past life and his admiration for a man he had not met nor seen in his life and probably won’t ever. But he was happy that he was finally talking with someone.
“That is a relief,” said Mr Higgins, “He was the only person I’ve ever known to share my passion for phonetics.”
“Ah – well to me it sounds like a man you should look up,” said Gatsby.
“You’re right. I should.”
Luckily for Gatsby the bus had just arrived and he was freed of his wait. He thought to himself that he endured this small talk well and that, in the future, he would be able to withstand small talk with more skill.
But when Gatsby asked if this was his bus too, he said: “No, it’s not. I’m just sitting here taking notes on people’s accents.” He revealed a notebook and a pen from inside his book. “I’ve been practicing to stay unnoticed, because it brought me some trouble a while back,” he added.
“Well, it’s been nice meeting you, sir.”
“Have a nice day, old sport.”
“Old sport?”
“Oh just something I picked up, whilst doing these accent analyses.”
Gatsby was immediately in love with the phrase. “Okay, thank you very much,” he said and got on the bus.
It was since then that he tended to use that nickname for anyone he had to engage into small talk. Eventually it grew out till he considered almost everyone to be an “old sport”.
Ugh, I just realised I'm writing fanfiction on the Great Gatsby and Pygmalion @___@;; But I have an excuse :p it's for the IB exam ^___^. This is one of my written assignments and it's 1498 words in total (my other written assignment is only 4 words, that's the comic controversity comic I uploaded earlier). In any case, at first I wanted to have Gatsby and Heatchliff (from Wuthering Heights) meet, but I thought 'nah, they're not even remotely in the same time' so it didn't feel natural. As far as I know there has never been said anything in Pygmalion about the time, so I just made this play after the play was finished. For Gatsby it is supposedly in his time after the war when he was studying in Oxford College. This is also analytical in the sense that you get to know things in one of the parts (it's devided into two parts, a Pygmalion part and a Great Gatsby part) that you don't get to know in the other. Anyway, have fun reading it. (for the people who do not know what the two books are about... this might be a teensy bit boring :p)


Read notes after reading the two parts:
- Well as you can obviously see you get to know the exact actions and the exact things that people say in the first part. In the second part however you get to know that Gatsby doesn't exactly like Higgins, which I think is kind of understandable.
- It is only in the first part that Gatsby is revealed to actually have studied in Oxford, yet the second part cleverly avoids that part.
- Some may note that in the Great Gatsby Gatsby has a perfect ENGLISH accent... well that's why I added "I shall have to do something about my accent." Just one sentence. That can mean A LOT don't you think? :p
- The thing about Higgins having constantly writing notes about Gatsby is something I only thought up at the end of Part One, which I think was a pretty brilliant move :XD: (lol, just kidding, but I got to admit I'm glad I came up with it :XD: ). That was my attempt to let both Gatsby and Higgins shine in these two parts, because I thought Higgins was just very boring.
- So, finally got to know where "old sport" came from!! Maybe a little awkward, but I just HAD to get that in (I had that in my head since the beginning :XD: )

So tell me what ya think!!!

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
Pygmalion by Bernard Shaw
© 2006 - 2024 dougurasu
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kittyocean's avatar
I so don't know the characters XD But weel written!